Some Feedback Needed!!!

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    Posts
  • m-e-a-l-i-n-i-e
    Post count: 35

    It’s amazing!

  • disneyqueen_2cute
    Post count: 19

    I love it you have such a great imagination I was bitting my finger nails the whole time there is no words to explain how amazing it was you should write other stories

  • mayab
    Post count: 178

    It it very scary! I could have never thought of that one😀. I think you should keep writing! You have a great imagination!

  • wmaple123
    Post count: 377

    Ok I didn’t hate it but I didn’t love it either WRITE ANOTHER SCARY STORY

  • gvngsta-_maya
    Post count: 10

    ikr

  • rebeccapriscilla
    Post count: 35

    I love to read scary stories and to watch horror movies because i’m not scared… but your story is good… I like to read more…keep writing

  • zooeydog
    Post count: 325

    This is amazing! Keep writing! Love to read more. What happens next? @pinkpeonies

  • simply-faiths
    Post count: 1

    Hi

  • skybluesplash
    Post count: 384

    @pinkpeonies Amazing!! A tad bit confusing but overall pretty scary. 😝 really liked it💚

  • caraboo11
    Post count: 233

    Hi @pinkpeonies I really like it overall, definitely keep up the great work! However, it became a little weird when the best friend comes in. If Ana is the best-friend, not a sister, why would she be sleeping in a different room, when she was invited to sleepover? Also, it’s totally bedtime by 12:00, why hasn’t she changed into pajamas? Also, I’m not sure how the color of one’s eyes and hair would make someone seem older than someone else, especially considering the colors you chose for the two girls to have.

    • pinkpeonies
      Post count: 20

      I don’t know either, I had two days to write this plus I was in sixth grade 😂 I might edit it again if I have time, thanks for your feedback!

  • galacticnarwhal16
    Post count: 140

    @pinkpeonies it’s just an insignificant detail to the story, that got confusing. Cause when I was reading it, I was like “is Ana wear her boyfriends jeans?” is she holding them?” “Whose boyfriend is it?” “How did the jeans get to where ever they are?” “Were the jeans already there or did Ana bring them in?”

    • pinkpeonies
      Post count: 20

      That’s some deep thinking over some boyfriend jeans XD

  • galacticnarwhal16
    Post count: 140

    Dangggg, that was intense. A bit confused by boyfriend jeans thing, but overall awesome!

    • pinkpeonies
      Post count: 20

      @galacticnarwhal16 thanks! And do you think I should change the boyfriend jeans part to something else? Did you think it was supposed to say ‘boyfriends’ jeans?’

  • hazel5
    Post count: 2816

    Wow that was a good one !! Where is it from? Did you write it? @pinkpeonies

    • pinkpeonies
      Post count: 20

      @hazel 5 Yes I did write it! I wrote it last year for a Halloween challenge and I decided to rewrite it a bit. It’s still rough around the edges but I tried 🙂

  • pinkpeonies
    Post count: 20

    Short as in paragraphs to make it easier? If so:

    The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long, rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams so my parents wouldn’t hear my last attempt for help. I bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:00, I heard my bedroom door creak open. I held my breath.

    A figure protruded from the dim light of the hallway. “I’m scared, Maria,” it whispered. “You know I hate the dark.” The figure walked up to my bed and stood over my bed. I realized the figure was Ana as she slipped under the covers. I breathed out.

    We were both 16, but she looked slightly older than me, with her naturally curly brown hair and her piercing green eyes. I had flat, black hair and what I believed to be dull brown eyes. My hand brushed against Ana’s boyfriend jeans while she nestled under my thick comforter.

    “Why are you in my room again?” I croaked. She laughed. “Because I want to be. You didn’t invite me over for nothing, correct?” I sighed. “God, you’re annoying—” She cut in quickly. “But the best friend anyone could have, am I right?” I sighed again. “Of course.” I replied. And then I blacked out, her bright eyes staring at me with amusement as the light faded..

    I woke up in a cold sweat, my mind fizzy like a Pepsi. Ana’s clothes, shredded up like ripped paper, were all over my bedroom floor. Pools of blood were spread all over the white tiled floor, starting from my bed. It smelled like dead people. I gagged. I glanced quickly over to my alarm clock. The time, oh God..

    The time read 12:07. Something that sounded like nails on a chalkboard dug into my bedroom door. “Tsk, tsk. You shouldn’t be scared of the dark, but rather what it contains.”
    -Fin-

  • vaidehibharatte
    Post count: 148

    Would you do it in short cause I don’t want to read too much . PLEASE

  • vaidehibharatte
    Post count: 148

    I really love horror (scary)story’s

  • pinkpeonies
    Post count: 20

    Hi,

    Can anyone read this short story and tell me what they think? ***Only read this if you aren’t afraid of scary stories!!!***
    ——————————————————————————–
    The last thing I saw was my alarm clock flashing 12:07 before she pushed her long, rotting nails through my chest, her other hand muffling my screams so my parents wouldn’t hear my last attempt for help. I bolt upright, relieved it was only a dream, but as I saw my alarm clock read 12:00, I heard my bedroom door creak open. I held my breath. A figure protruded from the dim light of the hallway. “I’m scared, Maria,” it whispered. “You know I hate the dark.” The figure walked up to my bed and stood over my bed. I realized the figure was Ana as she slipped under the covers. I breathed out. We were both 16, but she looked slightly older than me, with her naturally curly brown hair and her piercing green eyes. I had flat, black hair and what I believed to be dull brown eyes. My hand brushed against Ana’s boyfriend jeans while she nestled under my thick comforter. “Why are you in my room again?” I croaked. She laughed. “Because I want to be. You didn’t invite me over for nothing, correct?” I sighed. “God, you’re annoying—” She cut in quickly. “But the best friend anyone could have, am I right?” I sighed again. “Of course.” I replied. And then I blacked out, her bright eyes staring at me with amusement as the light faded..

    I woke up in a cold sweat, my mind fizzy like a Pepsi. Ana’s clothes, shredded up like ripped paper, were all over my bedroom floor. Pools of blood were spread all over the white tiled floor, starting from my bed. It smelled like dead people. I gagged. I glanced quickly over to my alarm clock. The time, oh God..

    The time read 12:07. Something that sounded like nails on a chalkboard dug into my bedroom door. “Tsk, tsk. You shouldn’t be scared of the dark, but rather what it contains.”
    -Fin-

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